Several years ago, I experienced a moment in my life I wish I could revisit. I was in training to sell life insurance (holy hell what a low point that was) and on the road with my trainer (a man) and another trainee (another man). I forget what prompted it, but at one point in our journey our trainer said, “I don’t know why women make their face one color, just so they can put colors back on it.”

At the time I was less outgoing than I am now, and I wan’t as into makeup as I am now. I did foundation, badly-matching blush, simple eyes, nothing fancy. I brushed it off at the time but if I could go back now…

Ok bitch: the reason we make our face one color and put the colors back on stems from two simple facts: we’re trying to erase our skin and those colors aren’t where they’re supposed to be, ok? These days I expect a full coverage foundation to hide any fact that I’m human at all. The rest is logistical pigmentation. The red that’s on my chin needs to be on my cheeks, under the guise of a perky blush. The dark under my eyes needs to be above my eyes, in the form of a smoky as fuck eye look. The reflection off my forehead needs to BE GONE and move on over to my cheekbones; and add some flecks of fuckin glitter while you’re at it.

I wish we were all born with perfect skin. I wish I didn’t have life habits that make my face look sad and dark and unkempt. But holy shit in the meantime there is an entire industry out there catering to my express desire to be a different person and bitch it’s makeup.

At the end of the day, I think the reason I really fell into makeup is because it let’s me be whoever I want to be that day. Simple or extra, I get to decide and I can create what I want. I don’t do it for anyone but me. Also, those guys were kinda dumb anyway.