Facebook scares me. It also confuses me and sometimes makes me smile. I don’t spend too much time on FB, usually just late at night when I’ve been drinking and I’ve gone through everything else the internet has to offer. Because let’s be honest: FB has become (has always been?) a place for people to mindlessly rant and post whatever meme or gif or video they come across without a second thought. Generally speaking, I dislike FB as a whole and only keep it around for the occasional ad for cat-related items and to use it as a memory-bank. I liked it better when people used FB to actually talk about their lives, even though that usually resulted in random pictures of food or blurry pictures of pets. Now it all seems to just be political bullshit.
Comment history. I was cruising FB one night and decided to throw a comment out on a friend’s post. As soon as I hit send I realized I had made an error. I’m used to spamming for the edit option after posting, because I tend to make many typos on my phone due to autocorrect thinking it’s smarter than me, but this time was different. Upon hitting edit there was another, new clickable option ominously called Comment History. Is it a history of the comments on the post? If someone else clicks on that will they see the original idiot comment I made, riddled with errors, providing a history of my comment? I was too afraid to click it and find out. I simply panicked over the potential trauma of it all and deleted my comment and tried again.
Comment edits. I don’t know exactly what parameters must be met for this to happen but no shit there I was about a week ago and I received a FB notification telling me one of my friends had edited her comment on a post. I followed the notification, it took me to one of her comments floating somewhere on FB, and I have no clue what was changed or why it was decided I needed to know about this particular comment being altered. Just…why??
My favorite game while scrolling. It’s called Who the fuck is that?? There are several factors that prevent me from immediately recognizing people as I’m scrolling through my feed. The first is filters. When people do decide to post a picture of themselves instead of a random political article pulled out of someone else’s ass, it’s usually got a fucking filter on it. When I’m casually scrolling I don’t always see the name that was above the picture so I just leave it there and try to figure out who I’m looking at. The second is group photos. They throw me off every time. Do I know someone in this picture or are they the one holding the camera? No idea. The last thing that always throws me for a loop is the basic progression of time. Most of my FB friends have been the same for….close to a decade if not longer. There are times an old high school chum posts a selfie and I think to myself hmmmmm I vaguely recognize this person, but until I look at their name I can’t be certain. Even the names are causing me issues…this one chick got married and took her husband’s name, and I recognize her face but holy fuck I can’t remember her original name or even if we really got along in school. Time does cruel things to both our bodies and our mental capacities.
Memories. I fucking love On This Day. Did my human brain remember that on this day eight years ago it was -18 degrees and snowing while today it’s a balmy 49? Hell no, but my internet brain did! I used to use FB far more than I do now, and it’s embarrassingly fun to see what I found interesting or relevant enough to publicly broadcast. This post had 11 comments, let’s go look….holy shit I forgot I was friends with that crazy wench. I’ve only ever had upstanding employers and decent if not awesome work environments. Oh shit except that one time the store owner never paid his employees and I quit after a month…ah the memories.
So that’s my random rant on Facebook. I’ll check my memories every day and occasionally play my scrolling game, but for real conversations and insights into the lives of those I call friends, I prefer other forms social media.