Each thing I do, I rush through, so I can do something else. Stephen Dobyns, Cemetery Nights

I first heard this line not in Cemetary Nights but in Stephen King’s Insomnia. King’s book was ok, which is not a word I usually use to describe his work (he’s my favorite), but I think the voice actor reading the audiobook version of the tale was just a dullard. It took me months to get through Insomnia, and every time that line was repeated through the course of the story I would get sucked into a world of my own thoughts.

Because this was literally me. I mostly noticed it while at work, but it was the case in every aspect of my life. Need to finish up with this phone call so I can return another one. Need to drive fast to get where I’m going so I can do the thing and move on. Must walk top-speed at all times for maximum time-propulsion efficiency.

Listen, there will always be another phone call. There will always be another meeting to prepare for or attend. There will always be somewhere you need to be going (society expects a lot from us “adults”) and somewhere else to go after that. Life doesn’t pause while you’re doing these things. These things are your fucking life.

This is especially true at work. I hear people say Oh my god there’s just too much to do! and find myself thinking Well yes, there will always be something coming up and if there isn’t then you are no longer needed as an employee. There will ALWAYS be more to do. That’s why you were hired…a company needed you to do the shit. Whatever the shit is. It’s when the shit stops coming that you need to worry.

And if life stops with its shit…then you might actually be dead. That’s obviously not preferable.